It’s not lost on me that in boldly declaring 2019 the “year of renewal,” I’ve literally been tested in keeping this bigger picture perspective of my life at every turn since the start of this year.
Here’s what life has looked like since January 2: I’ve been filling two full-time roles on the work-front (one of which is only for the interim, ending on March 15 (but who’s keeping track?)). I’ve been very active in my role as a Board President and thrown some curve-balls with my schedule due to three weeks in a row of wild winter weather. I experienced a delayed and then cancelled flight on my way home from a girl’s weekend in Minnesota early last week which led to me missing a day of work and catch-up on the home-front. And then I had an unexpected outpatient procedure on Friday and we sadly, unexpectedly lost a dear member of our family on Saturday. Our hearts are still reeling from the shock of that news. (Oh, and we added a very energetic puppy to our lives at the end of January, but he’s so cute and lovable, I’m not adding the “growing pain” moments with him to the above list. Besides, we chose him; we’re stuck with him and his craziness; and we’re okay with that. LOL.)
In short, for weeks now it’s constantly “been something.” And as hard as it is to admit, I’ve found myself feeling more stretched, and acting more salty and short-tempered than I would like to be at the start of the year. As 2019 approached, I envisioned having a heart full of gratitude at all times, being able to sense the Holy Spirit’s work all around me throughout every day, and having the energy and motivation to make progress with all of my goals each week, and that just hasn’t been the case. (That actually sounds more like a “feel good” movie than real-life, right?) Honestly, I’ve been tired and cranky and not wanting to do a THING when I don’t have to be anywhere or have anything on my list to get done or accomplish. I also haven’t been super diligent in taking great care of myself; my morning quiet times have been split between reading my bible and making sure my pup doesn’t chew on my bible or spill my coffee, and I’ve been numbing out a bit too much on Netflix and Amazon Prime Video rather than doing things that bring me true joy.
But here’s the thing … I know that this is JUST. A. SEASON. It won’t be winter forever. I won’t be working two jobs forever. I’m only a Board President for two years and I do enjoy serving in this capacity. I did eventually make it home from Minneapolis and the world didn’t stop spinning because I got home on Tuesday instead of Monday. My head won’t hurt forever where I had a pesky cyst removed. And although our hearts are grieved over the loss of our Uncle, I know that God meets all of us in that and provides a comfort and peace beyond our understanding. I also know in my heart that God hasn’t left me and that these “sufferings” are just a part of life, and ultimately serve a far bigger purpose than what I see in the here and now.
Here’s where He has led me in His Word:
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” – John 16:33, NIV
“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” – Romans 5:3-5, NIV
We aren’t guaranteed an easy or comfortable life. Even when we make bold declarations and intend to “live our best life” every single day, we are all human with various limitations and shortcomings. We will make mistakes. We will get tired. We will act out. Sometimes we will just plain fail. People will let us down. Bad things will happen to us and around us. We aren’t guaranteed perfection or success. What we are guaranteed is “trouble.” And for those of us in the faith, I would say we’re targets of even bigger trouble because we have a very REAL enemy who wants to “steal, kill, and destroy” (John 10:10) any good thing and any good work God is seeking to bring about in the lives of His daughters and sons.
If you’re finding yourself “living life in the thick of it” like I am at the start of this year, I want to give you some encouragement: You are not alone. You have a fellow walker on this currently hard and busy path you’re walking. AND if you have faith in Christ, you already have VICTORY in Him. The battle is won. He knows the end game and you come out a winner. So don’t lose hope and don’t give up on yourself or on what He’s spoken over you and promised for the days ahead.
As this second month of the year comes to an end, I’m choosing to give myself some grace and start fresh in March. I’ve been going back through my goals for the year and am re-prioritizing some things on my PowerSheets Tending List so I don’t get caught up in the stressful moments and distracted from what matters. And because I know the enemy is on the prowl and just waiting to suck the life out of my hopes and dreams and best laid plans in the weeks to come, I’m also choosing to arm myself with the spiritual weapons God gives to each of us:
“God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we’ll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels. Be prepared. You’re up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it’s all over but the shouting you’ll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You’ll need them throughout your life. God’s Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other’s spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out.” – Ephesians 6:10-18, The Message
I think what God is teaching me in this season is that even the fragmented and unexpected paths can bring about renewal. I might even dare to say, although it’s a bit difficult to swallow considering my frequent complaining and grumbling, that this fragmented and unexpected ground is the BEST soil for new things to grow. You see, I’m learning more about myself in this process of navigating various challenges and curve-balls – what works for me and what doesn’t; what I need and what I don’t; who I am and who I’m not; and where I thrive best and where I struggle most. It’s high time I took heed of these things and actually LEARNED from them, rather than repeat the same unhealthy and negative patterns when life gets hard the next time. (But again, grace.)
Where does 2019 find you so far? What season are you currently in and what is God teaching you?
I pray that your life, whether calm and easy or right in the thick of all the things, is being met with His grace, love, and peace, and that you too are learning to find joy as He renews and redeems you in these days.
Be encouraged. Stay the course. Arm yourself with truth. Give yourself grace. Keep the faith. Find the joy.
Blessings, friends!